I have a dream, just one

Its been a strain to be me the last few days. Not so much because my ME has been treating me worse than usual, but because I get bouts of mental distress that get deeper than I can handle at times. I was listening to Sommar on the P1 radio today, and don´t know why I forced myself to listen to the whole 1 1/2 hour program of one of the hosts in end of june, Fredrik Härén. He went on and on about how you can realize your dreams if you want to, and that its just to get out and take those steps and it will all come to you. Its been alot of that lately. The man who´s car got hit by a moose and was a write off, only for him to win a brand new Volvo two weeks later. Sports profiles who overcome injuries against all odds, or those that don´t and then discover masses of meaning in life through raising a family of something instead.

Well I have a dream, and its just to get well. Moving to China, have babies, apply for a meaningful job or run a marathon are all just luxuries I long ago stopped dreaming I will ever experience. I´m sick of hearing the "you can be anything you want" bollox. I´m not sitting here because of lack of vision. I want to live with Joe, study development politics and travel, and if was just well that would be exactly what I would be doing. I can´t be anything I want, so stuff the cheery attitude where the sun don´t shine.